Friday, January 18, 2008


I do not tell time like normal human beings. In fact, I only "mastered" the skill in the fourth grade, thanks to a special learn-to-tell-time watch with a face that was half red, half blue.

To this day, when I have to calculate the last thirty minutes of each hour, I count backwards from the top of the hour--22 'til 10, instead of 9: ... Actually, even trying to write that drew me to a dead standstill. I had to turn around and look at an actual clock. Apparently the answer would be 9:38. My first guess without looking was 9:42, which I knew right away was wrong, and my second was 9:48. Also wrong. What I usually do is point my finger at the clock and count under my breath. Really.

Clearly, math is not my friend. I did all sorts of mathematical calculations on the dog sweater. I had rows per inch and stitches per inch and the dog's neck, chest, and neck-to-chest measurements. It was like one of those misleading puzzlers with train speed, miles travelled, and the price of a cheeseburger. I'm incapable of telling which number is important and which isn't.

After ripping 3 times, I got serious about figuring it out and tapped in all kinds of combinations to calculate the number of increases. The decimals were boggling my mind. I finally settled down with some paper and wrote the numbers down like this:

34 174
32 172
30 170
28 168
26 166
24 164,
etc. until I got near to the row 0 and added a few more increases in the first row to make it all come out.

The chest fit like a dream, and I thought I was in the home stretch.

[Insert screeching halt here]

The pattern said to make the legs and knit straight until the back was 11" long. Gerty's neck to chest is 10". The pattern said to make the legs for 3". That means' I'm already 2" past what they want.


Gratuitous cat picture:

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