Lessons I've Learned

Blogger was down yesterday, so I had to hold off on passing along any fascinating insights I gained in the last day or so.

For example, I learned that licorice and fried oysters do not go well together, especially if you add a bit of malt vinegar. Do not go together well at all.

I've also learned that if you pitch a perfectly justified fit at your beloved, but it happens to fall during your period, he will never believe that wasn't the real cause. Let me repeat, perfectly justified, as in already-1.5-hours-late-for-the-Oscars-and-still-wandering-around-aimlessly-with-his-ass-hanging-out-of-his-raggedy-bathrobe justified. The crying bit and the pen throwing might have been period-related, but the screaming and the "I don't give a flying fuck what you wear. Put some clothes on and get in the car!" part were not.

Based on years of experience, I think it unlikely that he learned anything from the ordeal.

And you'd think I would have learned to stop eating hot wings just before my top secret exercise class, but nooooo.

My students learned that if they can't figure out whether to use "who" or "whom," they should try substituting "he/she" or "him/her" respectively to hear which makes sense. Take a look at the following, for example:

• I wonder whom I got this sore from?
• Donald is a man who never seems to notice the glazed look in the eyes of his "audience."
• Who will volunteer to sweep the derelicts off the porch?
• The men, all of whom were wearing nothing but party hats, disappointed us nonetheless.

I've also learned that knitting with two strands of bulky and one strand of worsted will give you the same gauge (2 st/in) as Tahki Baby, but the finished product will have enough stiffness to stand up on its own--nothing babysoft about it. I knew that in my brain, of course, but now I have about $70 worth of visible proof. I've learned that lesson.

Are you still awake in the back there? Don't forget to check your syllabus before you leave.